When At Last

I once asked a wise man
What was the path to life.
He told me I would find
It was death if I was wise.
I did not like that answer
And set out to prove him wrong
By finding the happiness
I’d been missing all along.
My mission was defined
My goal was crystal clear
With wealth I can have it all
And buy what I’ll hold dear.
T’was then I lost my honor;
It was the price of gold.
I had everything I’d wanted
Except what I had sold.
At long last, I regained it
And then set out to find
Women who would pleasure me,
Sex to ease my troubled mind.
With each one, I grew worse
And my joy here soon faded
Leaving me empty inside,
Just bitter, cold, and jaded.
Power then was what I needed
With it come honor and fame
And everyone likes everyone;
At least, that’s their little game.
But they were all so shallow
With masks they could hardly bear
Too afraid to show the world
What was truly under there.
No gold, no sex, no power;
And now I had no clue
Of what there was left in life,
Of what I was supposed to do.
I gave away what I had
For of it I’d grown tired
And wanted to do some good
Before my time expired.
Finally I realized
That there was indeed a way
That I could actually enjoy
Each and every day.
The wise man was correct
And now I truly see
That I only found my life
When at last I died to me.

Are you carrying your god or is your God carrying you?

Remember the last time you carried something heavy? You want each step to be your last so you can set down whatever you were carrying. Or, if you were carrying it for exercise, you were thinking about how much stronger you’d be after this. Either way, I’m betting you didn’t enjoy carrying it. Even if you were holding a baby (and all the women went, “Awwww…”), that bundle of joy and drool would get heavy. We don’t like carrying things.

So why then do we so often insist on carrying our gods?

Isaiah 46 talks about the uselessness of idols, telling how people would weigh out silver and gold, then take it to the goldsmith, who would fashion a god from it. Then they’d bear that god on their shoulders back to their home or temple and set it on a base, from which it wouldn’t move.

Why worship a god that can’t even move? What good is a god whom you have to carry?

People don’t worship Babylonian gods anymore, but we make gods out of money, relationships, sex, and jobs. Money can get you out of some trouble, but only be decreasing your store of it. And it can be useless when you have certain diseases or are suffering heartbreak. Plus, making lots of it requires sacrifices of your time and potentially of your health. Also, if gods are supposed to be above us, why make a god of something you have control over?

Some people stay in damaging relationships because they’re afraid of being alone. Others give their hearts away readily only to get them broken time after time. Those in relationships often base their worth on what their partner thinks of them. While your spouse should be with you in hard times, there is only so much they can do and they can and will let you down at times. Sex and jobs likewise have high potential costs.

In all of them, there is a trade. You give up time to make money so you can buy a nice home, so time = home. Or you sleep with someone knowing there’s a chance of pregnancy, which may not be desirable just yet, or disease, so sex means a risk.

With God, there is no risk, even though there is far more to lose. 

God’s not very good at this whole fair trade thing. He gives His Son for dirt that He had given life to, dirt that He’d created with just a word and could easily create more if He wanted. He forgives us our sins against Him if we forgive others’ sins against us. He offers us the eternal paradise of Heaven for believing in Him and knowing Him. And, as if that’s not enough, He patiently works with us every day to get us to be more like Him. That may sound like something we’re giving up because it means the changing of certain habits for a lot of us, but He gives us far more in the peace of knowing and trusting Him. Yes, you may be called to give up possessions, career, and even your life, but for a surer hope than your possessions, a life calling, and eternal life, what a deal!

Our God is dynamic. Omnipotent. He carries us when we’re weak, lightening our burden rather than becoming one Himself. And you will never have to carry Him.

What You May Be Waiting For

Leah and I are sometimes impatient people. We have a lot of patience for each other, but our patience with God can wear thin. We tell ourselves that we’re learning how to follow Him, how to have stronger faith, and other lessons, but I think we may be missing the most important lesson of all:

That we’re meant to enjoy depending on God.

Ever wish you could be a little kid again? I sometimes do. No real responsibilities, summers off, no concerns about money or looking for work. Yeah, I had homework and some chores, but those are comparatively light to the responsibilities I now have. I was able to depend on my mother for providing for us. It was on her to get us food, pay the rent, get us clothes, and take us where we needed to go.

I was a little precocious, but I didn’t fully appreciate the burden on her until I got married. A lot of people don’t want to depend on others because they don’t want to be subject to the rules of these others. When you live at home, you’re subject to your parents’ rules. Independence means freedom, but it also means that it’s on you to provide for yourself.

The problem is that the things you need most you can’t get for yourself. I don’t mean a car and a house and a retirement account; I mean a strong faith and the earnest desire to be good because you love God and not for any reward. I mean a love for people that doesn’t depend on how someone in your past or present has treated you. I mean a heart that yearns for God.

I was thinking about why Leah and I are still waiting and then the thought hit me that we may not have money simply because our need of it is what God has been using to grow our faith. 

I think God withholds things from us sometimes not just because granting us these things would take us away from Him, but because granting them might stunt our growth. If we were to inherit $10 million tomorrow, we’d praise God and tell people how He came through for us and believe more strongly than ever that He provides when we don’t expect it…but then the joy would fade as the money became taken for granted and, though we’d still be Christians, we’d have less reason to seek after God.

He wants us to seek Him as a child seeks his father, not just for His blessings, but out of love for Him. Leah and I are learning a lot in this time, but we haven’t yet learned how much we need God outside of money. We’re getting there, but He is not yet our Father in all areas, neither do we trust Him enough to depend on Him for everything, even when we have all of what we think we need.

The Desert is Never the Destination

My wife and I are moving from the erratic weather of scenic Colorado Springs for the jobs, homes, and humidity of Houston tomorrow. I have looked for a job, but don’t have one yet, just faith in the God that called us that He will provide.
And yet this still feels like a desert to me. There’s the uncertainty of not knowing what I’ll be doing or from where the money will come. I’ve been hoping that I won’t have a breakdown of Israelites-in-the-desert proportions, wondering if God led us there to finish us off.
But then, God’s purpose for the Israelites wasn’t to kill them. It wasn’t even to leave them in the desert. It wasn’t that long after they were freed from Egypt that they came to the border of Canaan and sent spies in to see the land. Caleb and Joshua brought back a good report, saying God would help them conquer the land, but the other ten were afraid and their fear spread and kept the Israelites from attacking. As punishment, God decreed that only Caleb and Joshua, of all the adults 20 years and older, would enter the Promised Land. The wandering came after the disobedience; though God knew it would happen, the desert was never the destination.
Houston may be Canaan, or it may be the desert. I don’t know how long we’ll be there, what lessons God will show us, or how He will provide. (Keep in mind that even despite their numerous transgressions, God still sent them manna, led them with a pillar of fire by night and one of cloud by day, and even their sandals didn’t wear out.) But I know that if this is the desert, this is not the end, merely a piece of life I must go through faithfully to get what God has for me.
Whatever situation we’re in, God is there. Always. And if you’re in the desert, it’s the time to cling to God (or return to Him), not the time to abandon Him and wander around. This is not where you’ll end up if you’re faithful; He has something better in mind for you. It may or may not be riches or the love of your life or whatever else on earth you want, but it will be better for you than these because it will bring you closer to Him.

Faith Like a Mustard Seed

Honest question: How strong is your faith right now?

Mine is recovering now, but it’s been getting seriously tested of late. And it broke down this past weekend. I was done; I had given up on ever providing for my wife, getting a job, or becoming even half the man she deserves. I had no faith in God to help us and a storm of fears beating me down. 

Leah reminded me of a few things, though:

1. God has promised us that He won’t let us down.

2. He cannot deny Himself; if He has promised it, He will do it.

3. My value doesn’t come from how well I provide for her.

4. No matter what happens, she loves me and will stay with me.

I needed to hear all of them. Most of the pressure I was putting on myself was because I was so afraid of letting her down. I wanted so badly to come home from an interview and proudly announce that I got a job. (Btw, I just had one this morning and things are looking good, please pray if you think about it. Thanks.) Just hearing her tell me, several times, that she’d love me even if we were homeless meant the world to me. 

What got me out of it, however, wasn’t beginning to realize (for I’m not fully there yet) how much she loves me, but remembering that God loves me even more. I also remembered that God doesn’t need me to provide. The Israelites didn’t have to provide for themselves during the 40 years they wandered in the desert. God sent manna for them every day. Much later, God used a fish to pay taxes for Peter and Jesus. I’m not saying that God doesn’t want me to work, just that He has the power to provide in whatever manner He sees fit. 

I need to be more like a little child when his father promises him something: just accept it, be grateful, and wait.

On Money and Worry

Most of us would like a little more money…or a lot more money. With the economy still down and improving slowly, many people are without jobs, drawing on either the government or their own savings to make ends meet.

As a guy, I worry about money quite a bit, not in the sense of needing tons of it, but in the strong desire to provide for my wife. I worry about not getting a job, about us having to sell one of our cars or some other possessions to get by, and about what we’d do after everything we can sell has been sold. I worry that she’ll be the only one of us to find a real career job and I’ll be stuck flipping burgers or stocking shelves at 2 AM.

These fears aren’t really justified. My head, that rational part of me that I often ignore, knows that. It tells me I’m an experienced accountant, but just have a rusty resume. It tells me I’m smart, hard working, and skilled, so with determination, I ought to be able to find some accounting or finance job, even as a temp, to spruce up my resume, then get a pretty good job and be a great provider.

My heart counters with its fears and usually wins.

All the while my spirit is trying to tell me that it doesn’t matter because God is in charge anyway. He can do whatever He wants. He can have the winning Powerball ticket blow through the little crevice under our apartment door, give us minimum-wage jobs that are barely enough to scrape by, or anything in between. Whatever His plan is, though, it’s not on me to provide. It’s on me only to obey.

God is a good Father. This means several things:

1. He wants to provide for us.

2. As God, He has the power to provide for us.

3. He will give us what we need, even if it’s not what we want. Just like a good parent won’t let their children have cookies all day, so God won’t give us things that are bad for us.

4. God is willing to give us things we want, but won’t give us things that will take us from Him. When I wanted a wife more than anything, God kept one from me. When I loved Him honestly regardless of whether I was married, He blessed me richly with Leah. God must always be our chief treasure, not a means to our chief treasure.

5. As my King and Employer, it’s on Him to give me orders, judge my work, and pay me accordingly. He doesn’t owe me anything, but He promises to give to us according to our works (Romans 2:6, Revelation 22:12). He is also in charge of the results of our work (1 Cor. 3:6).

6. His blessings are dependent on my walk with Him. Even if I’m obeying Him in His calling, I can do it out of a wrong heart or have other areas of sin in my life. You don’t have to be perfect for God to bless you (or else we’d never get any blessings), but just as a good parent won’t give a rebelling child presents all the time, so God won’t bless you if you are rebelling against Him.

I don’t have to worry about money. In fact, worrying (by worrying, I mean “having anxiety,” not “paying attention to”) about money or anything else is a sin because it shows a lack of faith in God to provide. If I am His child, I should behave as a little child who wants something from His parents.

Imagine you were six years old and wanted a bike. If you had a good father, you might ask him for a bike for Christmas. If he said yes, you’d tell your friends you were getting a bike. In your mind, it’d be a done deal, even though you don’t have the bike yet. You’d be waiting impatiently for Christmas, knowing full well that you’d get what you wanted when the time came. No worries about how your father would pay for it. No fears that he’d change his mind. No stressing that he’d forget about you or decide he didn’t really love you. He promised the bike, so you were getting the bike.

And if he said no, you weren’t getting the bike and you’d have to learn to live with that. You’d still have to obey him and you’d still love him, even though you’d be disappointed and confused.

We are to be that way with God. We are to come to Him with everything, ask Him for what we want, and then let Him make the decision. If He says yes, then it will happen. If He says no, we should still love and obey Him. Under no circumstances should we have any worry or fear that He will let us down, for He loves us more than any human father ever could and He has more power to protect us than we can imagine.

Don’t worry about money (or relationships, health, <insert other stress here>). You have a loving Father who will provide what you need when you ask Him and trust Him.

Behold the Power of Doughnuts!

I had friends in college who were servers in restaurants. Their income depended on tips, which in turn depended on their service, their smile, and a few things outside their control, like the quality of the food and the patrons on which they waited. As to that last one, all of my server friends hated the Sunday lunch shift because that was when the Christians would get out of church, go to lunch and leave the tiniest tips my friends got all week. Some left nothing at all.

My wife has babysat for Christians who didn’t pay her enough to cover the cost of her gas. I’ve seen church events where volunteers spend all day doing manual labor, but the church doesn’t even give them doughnuts. 

When did the church become so stingy? And more importantly, why?

God was not stingy with us. He’s been the God of too much for us ever since we were created. Adam and Eve were put in paradise. God made covenants time and again with the Biblical patriarchs that if they would just follow Him, He would bless them richly. They should serve Him regardless, even for nothing, but He rewards them generously for all they do for Him. Then, despite all the times the Israelites walked away, He restored them when they returned to Him. As if it wasn’t enough, He sent Jesus, His own Son, to die for us. We could earn no gift from God, yet He gave us one greater than we could ever ask.

Are we not called to live like God? If He is so generous, doesn’t that mean we are to be? 

I have heard a few different excuses for Christians being so parsimonious. The first is that other people are working for the Lord when they do things for a Christian or Christian ministry, so God will reward them. God will, but He may want to work through you to do it. The Bible says the workman is worthy of his hire (1 Timothy 5:18) and “Woe to him who…uses his neighbor’s service without wages and gives him nothing for his work.” (Jeremiah 22:13). Those who serve us are to be dealt with as God would deal with them, and He deals very generously with people.

Second, some have said that they already pay tithes and so shouldn’t have to pay others. God says in Matthew 25:40 that even as you do unto the least of His people, you do to Him. God loves everybody, even those who aren’t Christians, simply because He is love. You can’t have a duty to God without having a duty to those He loves; to say you love and serve Him without treating others as He commands shows that your love for Him is a hollow shell.

Lastly, some have claimed they would love to give, but can’t afford to after tithes. Perhaps it might be a more loving idea to skip lunch then and save the money for next week, so you can give both a decent tip and have a meal. To want the meal without paying the person fairly for their efforts is to put yourself over them, which does not show Christ’s love well. Also, the money is not yours and never really has been. It’s always been God’s because He has given you charge over it and He can add to it or take it away as He sees fit.

The overall point is that God wants you to treat others as He treats them: generously. When you do, God blesses both them through you and you for your obedience to His will. “There is one who scatters, yet increases more; and there is one who withholds more than is right, but it leads to poverty.” Proverbs 11:24.