Last night, Leah and I were discussing how we wish we had clearer guidance. I have been reading in Jeremiah and he was told very plainly what to do, where to go, and what to say. I wish I had that. “Send your proposal here, to this agent, and say this.” I could really polish it up and send it off and then just wait for that one agent to get back to me, assumedly with an offer to represent me. Then I could get back to the writing that I love and have missed so much.
It’s not simply a desire to be free from the endless editing and proposal sending, though; I really believe my faith would be stronger if I had some clear guidance and I didn’t feel I was just doing what I believe I’m supposed to be doing, hoping things would all work out.
There are two points I need to learn from this. I’ll get to the first now and the second in part 2. The first is that I need to have more trust in God to determine what’s best for me. He has a better handle on both this faith thing and on the inner workings of my heart than I do, yet there I was trying to tell Him what would be better for my faith. Honestly, it was very arrogant to have faith only on my terms, and that may be one of the reasons He is doing this: so I learn to have faith on His terms instead.
Perhaps another reason He is withholding guidance from me at this time is because it is more important that I learn that He is good and in control than that I learn to do exactly what He wants. Knowing God is good is the foundation of a relationship with Him. Gratitude for the cross will only get you so far, so a faith in His love for you and overall righteousness are necessary to really love Him. And a love for Him is necessary before doing what He tells me is going to matter.
As I write this, I am almost embarrassed now that I asked God to tell me precisely what to do. Instead, I should have asked Him to teach me what He wants me to learn about Him through this time. My faith in nearly all areas needs to grow, but it needs a foundation of trust in Him first. He is in charge of my situation, so if He is not telling me precisely what to do, then I need to rest in Him, draw closer to Him, and continue doing what I believe His will is for me.
Is anyone else struggling with not knowing what they should be doing, with feeling like you’re kind of floundering around without a direction? If that’s you, I’d like to invite you to do what I’m going to try: resting. I don’t mean sleep or vacation, but giving up your cares and concerns. Instead of going to God for guidance and getting frustrated that you’re not getting detailed instructions, draw closer and wait while focusing on His goodness. Just as no general would expect his soldiers to move without his issuing an order, so God will not be angry with you for not doing something when He didn’t say to do it. When the time comes, He will let you know what He wants. Until then, wait…and trust.